And She left.
She left without saying goodbye.
She left me alone in a dark, cold room
with nothing but the cheap, thin blanket
wrapped around my cold body.
And She left.
She left without even telling me she loved me.
She left me scared and weeping,
mourning, scarred, hateful, jaded.
And She left.
Just like that.
Walked away.
Just like that.
Wednesday, 28 February 2007
Saturday, 24 February 2007
Betrayal
Current Mood: Angry/Hateful/Disappointed/Frustrated
Current Music: You Oughta Know/Alanis Morissette
Just how hard life could be on me? Just when I have started on a new path to recovering from a previous painful experience, just when I was beginning to open up again, the one person I trusted the most started betraying me. Ah, then I am back to my Linear phase again, I guess. And then I should always remember that I should not trust anyone else except myself. Hah. Why did I forget that? Maybe because I was mesmerized by the magic of being in love and all the fireworks that went with that. Maybe because I was thrilled by the thought of being in love, not with the person, but with love itself. Then again, maybe I was really in love. And I WAS. Magically, truly, madly, stupidly in love.
Thanks to you, Lady of the Camellias, for pushing me back to writing more poems to add to my Linear collection. I just want you to know I never thought I could hate someone as I hate you now.
BETRAYAL
Just when I thought I finally found The One,
Just when I thought I finally could trust someone again,
Just when I thought I finally could love again,
You betrayed me and proved me wrong.
Just when I was singing again,
Just when I was writing poetry again,
Just when I was laughing again,
You betrayed me and deserted me.
Just when I was healing from the wounds of prior loves,
Just when I was alive again,
Just when I was falling in love…
You betrayed me.
How could you do this to me? How could you?
I fought hard for you, trusted you with my own life, loved you…
And all I got is your distrust, your unending doubts, your betrayal…
Current Music: You Oughta Know/Alanis Morissette
Just how hard life could be on me? Just when I have started on a new path to recovering from a previous painful experience, just when I was beginning to open up again, the one person I trusted the most started betraying me. Ah, then I am back to my Linear phase again, I guess. And then I should always remember that I should not trust anyone else except myself. Hah. Why did I forget that? Maybe because I was mesmerized by the magic of being in love and all the fireworks that went with that. Maybe because I was thrilled by the thought of being in love, not with the person, but with love itself. Then again, maybe I was really in love. And I WAS. Magically, truly, madly, stupidly in love.
Thanks to you, Lady of the Camellias, for pushing me back to writing more poems to add to my Linear collection. I just want you to know I never thought I could hate someone as I hate you now.
BETRAYAL
Just when I thought I finally found The One,
Just when I thought I finally could trust someone again,
Just when I thought I finally could love again,
You betrayed me and proved me wrong.
Just when I was singing again,
Just when I was writing poetry again,
Just when I was laughing again,
You betrayed me and deserted me.
Just when I was healing from the wounds of prior loves,
Just when I was alive again,
Just when I was falling in love…
You betrayed me.
How could you do this to me? How could you?
I fought hard for you, trusted you with my own life, loved you…
And all I got is your distrust, your unending doubts, your betrayal…
Sunday, 18 February 2007
From Limbo with Love
I still need to keep up to my personal promise to blog regularly. But my mind is in limbo right now. And may God forbid me not to commit the unforgivable.
Due to recent events in my life, I am always tempted to just pack my bags, leave town, and never, ever, look back.
Do as Robert Kincaid did.
Go to a place where I can be someone else. Or pretend to be someone else.
Surprised? Please be. Because even I am surprised myself. But don't get me wrong. I may have nurtured this idea to leave for a long time now, but my love for my family, for Lilia, for my work, and for my friends have always made me do otherwise. For I have always believed that my life is defined by what I do for my family, by how hard I work, and by how deeply I care for and love Lilia. For these reasons, I will always stay anchored to where I am, do what I need to do, and forget about packing my bags and leaving town.
Do as Francesca Jonhson did.
Because in life, there are a lot of trade-offs. We let go of so many chances, so many opportunities, so many possibilities to become who and what we have always wanted to be. We allow ourselves to lose the chance to fulfill our inner longings. We let these things pass through our lives, and yet it is through these sacrifices that we are able to dream on, and dream more. It is through giving up that we are able to give more of ourselves. It is through these trade-offs that we discern life.
But I choose to stay behind and face my responsibilities and obligations because for me, doing so is a choice and not an option. And I chose to stay behind and never regret it. Not one bit of it.
Due to recent events in my life, I am always tempted to just pack my bags, leave town, and never, ever, look back.
Do as Robert Kincaid did.
Go to a place where I can be someone else. Or pretend to be someone else.
Surprised? Please be. Because even I am surprised myself. But don't get me wrong. I may have nurtured this idea to leave for a long time now, but my love for my family, for Lilia, for my work, and for my friends have always made me do otherwise. For I have always believed that my life is defined by what I do for my family, by how hard I work, and by how deeply I care for and love Lilia. For these reasons, I will always stay anchored to where I am, do what I need to do, and forget about packing my bags and leaving town.
Do as Francesca Jonhson did.
Because in life, there are a lot of trade-offs. We let go of so many chances, so many opportunities, so many possibilities to become who and what we have always wanted to be. We allow ourselves to lose the chance to fulfill our inner longings. We let these things pass through our lives, and yet it is through these sacrifices that we are able to dream on, and dream more. It is through giving up that we are able to give more of ourselves. It is through these trade-offs that we discern life.
But I choose to stay behind and face my responsibilities and obligations because for me, doing so is a choice and not an option. And I chose to stay behind and never regret it. Not one bit of it.
Wednesday, 7 February 2007
Meet Harry, My Elephant Grasshead
Being a collector of elephant figurines and all related stuff, you can just imagine my thrill when a friend gave me an elephant grasshead. I gave him a name, Harry, after Robert Kincaid's green Chevrolet pickup.
And here's dear Harry. Here's how he looked before I soaked him in lots and lots of water to allow germination of whatever seeds are inside him. :)
After a week of being soaked in water, here's how Harry looks now:
:)
And here's dear Harry. Here's how he looked before I soaked him in lots and lots of water to allow germination of whatever seeds are inside him. :)
After a week of being soaked in water, here's how Harry looks now:
:)
A Short Recap
I understand that my previous entry (A Night with Robert and Francesca) seemed a bit awkward given the time gap from the previous entry of September 2006. And well, yes, a lot has happened since Christine gave me a copy of that Dilbert book. As a recap, I’m writing notes (on a monthly basis) of whatever I could still remember to sort of update things.
September. Inez, one of my two office roommates and a very good friend, resigned and left by end of the month. Participated in one international workshop.
October. Biboy, the other of my two office roommates left, too, to take his career into a different level. But before that, he got married first. Haha. An ISAAA Brief due for formatting arrived middle of the month, and THE Global Status Brief came in before the month ended, which meant I did not have a proper Halloween last year. While people are attending parties wearing weird costumes, I was laboring over the two publications. Also had to prepare for NaNoWriMo 2006. Research, research, research…
November. A lot happened during November, I guess. Early on, I tried joining fellow novel writers from all over the world in NaNoWriMo 2006, but due to the back-breaking activities at the office, I did not make it to the 50k words-mark. Again. Thankfully, I got on a new hobby, which is shot glass collecting. Whew! Too addictive. Finished the two ISAAA Briefs, helped prepare for two workshops in December, one international, the other, local. And oh, I almost forgot, I turned 33 this month. Got several gifts from friends: a shirt that says “I Only Have Eyes for You. And You. And You. And You.” (hahaha!!!); four shot glasses from Chel; lip products from Ann. But the best gift is from my 6-year old niece, Laicka. It’s a small bottle of branded perfume, but it’s not the brand that made me so happy, but the idea that she wrapped the gift herself and wrote me a short, but sweet happy birthday note.
December. A never-ending odyssey to finishing THE GS Brief. While two workshops went on, we corrected, corrected, corrected, printed, corrected, corrected, corrected, and re-printed the GS Brief. Celebrated Christmas with family. But had to work the day after. Waaahhh!!! Just when everybody’s still partying, bingeing, or simply resting, I had to travel to Manila to send a sample copy of the GS Brief to Clive and Marga. I’m not complaining, though. It is a part of my job, and even if I stayed with my family to party, binge, or rest, I will not feel comfortable knowing that a job was left unfinished. My only regret is the fact that I lost the opportunity to spend some quality, A-1 time with my family. Oh, and I’m writing again. Beginning this month, I’m writing short articles again.
That’s about it, I guess. I might have left out a lot of things because I’ve forgotten about them already. But it’s a good recap.
September. Inez, one of my two office roommates and a very good friend, resigned and left by end of the month. Participated in one international workshop.
October. Biboy, the other of my two office roommates left, too, to take his career into a different level. But before that, he got married first. Haha. An ISAAA Brief due for formatting arrived middle of the month, and THE Global Status Brief came in before the month ended, which meant I did not have a proper Halloween last year. While people are attending parties wearing weird costumes, I was laboring over the two publications. Also had to prepare for NaNoWriMo 2006. Research, research, research…
November. A lot happened during November, I guess. Early on, I tried joining fellow novel writers from all over the world in NaNoWriMo 2006, but due to the back-breaking activities at the office, I did not make it to the 50k words-mark. Again. Thankfully, I got on a new hobby, which is shot glass collecting. Whew! Too addictive. Finished the two ISAAA Briefs, helped prepare for two workshops in December, one international, the other, local. And oh, I almost forgot, I turned 33 this month. Got several gifts from friends: a shirt that says “I Only Have Eyes for You. And You. And You. And You.” (hahaha!!!); four shot glasses from Chel; lip products from Ann. But the best gift is from my 6-year old niece, Laicka. It’s a small bottle of branded perfume, but it’s not the brand that made me so happy, but the idea that she wrapped the gift herself and wrote me a short, but sweet happy birthday note.
December. A never-ending odyssey to finishing THE GS Brief. While two workshops went on, we corrected, corrected, corrected, printed, corrected, corrected, corrected, and re-printed the GS Brief. Celebrated Christmas with family. But had to work the day after. Waaahhh!!! Just when everybody’s still partying, bingeing, or simply resting, I had to travel to Manila to send a sample copy of the GS Brief to Clive and Marga. I’m not complaining, though. It is a part of my job, and even if I stayed with my family to party, binge, or rest, I will not feel comfortable knowing that a job was left unfinished. My only regret is the fact that I lost the opportunity to spend some quality, A-1 time with my family. Oh, and I’m writing again. Beginning this month, I’m writing short articles again.
That’s about it, I guess. I might have left out a lot of things because I’ve forgotten about them already. But it’s a good recap.